Last weekend, I had the opportunity to attend the best conference I have ever attended. GRRRL Live 2018, run by the amazing company GRRRL Clothing in Las Vegas, was a weekend of self-discovery and self- reflection. We had talks on sisterhood, food addiction, white priveledge and many other topics. There were also workshops on plant-based living, Arm Wrestling, Deadlifting with the fabulous Meg Squats and so many different opportunities to try new things, as well as my favourite workshop- a MMA workshop with the one, the only, Rose Namajunas and Pat Barry. This was my first trip to the USA and now I am back home in Australia, so many thoughts and feelings are running through my head and heart. It is hard to know where to start, but I knew that this first blog had to be about one of the biggest things I have been facing. These thoughts finally came up, hit me in the face (for once not literally but metaphorically) and have sunk in. That lesson? There are levels to this shit.
Golden Nugget, views from the top level.
What do I mean by this? Well let me tell you a story from GRRRL Live 2018. One of the guest speakers was an incredbile woman by the name of Melodee Meyer, aka Master Mel. Her talk was on Breaking through limiting beliefs and barriers. Master Mel uses lessons that she has learnt through her own tumutluous life, her masters degree in Spiritual Psychology and her journey through Martial Arts (she is a 5th Dan Black Belt in Karate) to teach people how to break through those limiting beliefs that stop people from achieving their goals. I have been working on these things also with my own Human Potential Coach Briana Bowley, so all of these thoughts were at the forefront of my mind. At first, I was not super engaged with Mel’s lessons. While her life story really intrigued me, I actually did not even relate to her life- despite the martial arts connection. It was not until she introduced an activity for the group to do, that I suddenly had to face my own ego. I was going to get a wake up call.
Now, the activity she gave the group was board breaking. I internally rolled my eyes. Board breaking? Weak boards that actually break super easy. How flashy. What she asked us to do was write one of our limiting beliefs on one side of the board, then our goal on the other side. Then in front of the group, we were to hammerfist through the board. I took a deep breath, and asked myself why was I so quick to brush off this fun activity? Where did this resistant come from? Well I knew what my goal was, it’s the whole point of my social media presence and this blog; to get in and fight in the cage. What was the thing stopping me? Well I still had this weight to lose. Easy. I know myself…or did I?
I suddenly started to panic. What if I didn’t break this board in front of everybody? Everybody looked at me like “Oh this is going to be easy for you, you are a martial artist.” I’ve broken the skin off my hands. I’ve bruised people…but I have never broken a board. My coach tells me I have knock out power….but I’ve never broken a board. What if I don’t break this board in front of all these people? I will be exposed. That’s when it hit me. This imposter syndrome. I still do not believe that I will be able to get into that cage. There is a part of me that is so terrififed that I am not who I want to be. That I am playing a part. That I’m a pretender. What if I get in that cage and I freeze? What if….
One side of my board
Boom! Then it hit me. There was the reason for my resistance. There is the reason that no matter how hard I try, these scales won’t budge. I’m on the brink. I am so close to getting to my goal…but by not losing the last of this weight, I am protecting myself from achieving this goal. Self-sabotage. This board breaking activity? Not quite getting in the cage BUT it’s the same thing- on a smaller level. THERE IS LEVELS TO THIS SHIT. I just needed to get up and break this damn board in front of these people. I just needed to do it. So I did. I smashed through that board and the emotions came flooding over me. I did it. I knew I could do it. Just like I know that when it comes time for me to fight, I will be able to do it. Whether I win or lose, it doesn’t matter. I know that when it comes time, that I will do the best I can for that moment. I don’t need to keep using this weight to hide behind, to protect me from success.
My limiting belief (along with my typos)
There are levels to fear, there are levels to success. Sometimes we need to see things on a smaller scale in order to understand how it relates to a bigger part of our lives. Foreshadowing is not just a literay motif, it’s a part of our own lives. Every day, we are faced with decisions and situations that can prepare us for the bigger battles and challenges that we may face. Take every oportunity you can for growth, because you never know, that feeling of resistance that develops inside you, is a sign that you are about to level up in life.
Breaking through those beliefs